On Thu, Dec 8, 2011 at 1:07 PM, Ian Kilgore < imkilgor@ncsu.[redacted] > wrote:

Water-filled skinbags,

As determined via legitimate governmental proceedings on Tuesday the
6th of December 2011, I am your official Captain of Switzerland. It is
now my prerogative to initiate a swift and rigorous course of action
designed to ameliorate the miserable condition of this organization's
foreign policy, robot civil rights, and taste in fine drapery.

This course of action may include such potentially glorious undertakings as:
1) Celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving
ii) Influencing today's youth to incite violence in their communities
c) Registering `ncsulug.xxx'
ጷ) Furthering the development of a Capslockday-preparedness task force
five) Assisting the Minister of Zombie Defense in his righteous duties

Pursuant to the achievement of these resplendent objectives, I am now
accepting nominations for cabinet positions. Please enclose in your
application:
* Your given name
* The office to which you are applying
* A photograph, drawing, or schematic representation of a spider

Applications will be accepted via email, facsimile, or bicycle courier.
In order for your application to be considered, you must respond no
earlier than Wednesday the 3rd of August 2011.

Good luck, and remember:
NCSU SWITZERLAND BEST SWITZERLAND

Your fearless leader,
--
ik